If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
