We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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