just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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