Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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