I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
