So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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