i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
