We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
