there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
