My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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