i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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