So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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