you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
