ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
