ya dads aren't the best wingmen
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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