Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
