In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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