I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize