how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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