Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
