Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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