Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
