i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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