she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
