you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
