Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
