Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
