Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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