why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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