I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
