If i come over, it means nothing
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Michael Bay diarrhea
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize