If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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