Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
