he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
