Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
