You smell like stripper and shame
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
