My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
