life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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