Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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