Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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