That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
