I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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