I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm too high and old for this...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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