He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
