I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
