the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize