hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize