My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
