I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize