I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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