So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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