Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
