I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
