Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
