I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
