Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
