There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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