i think my tv is drunk
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
