There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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