I'm jealous of your bromance
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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