If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
