Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
