Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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