cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
