five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
