She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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