i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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