you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize