how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
